A Wild Animal Party

The American actor Ezra Miller said, “Life is a grand party.”  There is never a dull moment in our house and this was a rare night when my beloved and I stayed out “late” on a date.  When we came home we were so tired we just went straight to bed.  The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that our toilet paper had been shredded maniacally; witness the photographic evidence.  As I made my way downstairs I noticed bits and pieces of cloth dispersed everywhere in some sort of a macabre arrangement.  Strewn all about our formal dining room was a hideous compilation of “dead” (toy) animals.  A little rabbit was missing her head; a sweet fox was in tatters.  A skunk lay horrifically dismembered with his squeaker next to him — in the shape of a heart that was red.  I stood there trying to piece together what on earth had happened while we were gone.  The only survivors from the whole massacre were two giant plush snakes; one willfully sticking out her tongue and the other lying morbidly on his back.  Upon closer inspection I noticed little green herbs sprinkled all about, covering everything like fairy dust.  Then I discovered the shredded bag.  On it a picture of a rainbow colored cat stared back at me with a decidedly hippy look reminiscent of my childhood.  The tag line read, “Legally enjoyed by Cool Cats in all 50 states.”  My best girlfriend had given our gatos malos some kitty catnip for Christmas.  Suffice it to say they found it.  During my CSI investigation I still have not been able to determine what made the wolfies go on such a tear.  Maybe the cats went so crazy they just decided to join in.  Upon reading the back of the bag, I was pleased to discover the sales from it ensure low-income pet parents and their companion or service animals may remain together if issues arise.  It states their goal is to prevent at-risk animals from being surrendered or euthanized for treatable conditions or behaviors.  So I’m thinking our critters got together and threw a benefit party of sorts; all for a good cause.  Whatever the case, I can tell you this:  it must have been a wild animal party.

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